Mason County News
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Outdoors Outpost
Bodyguard of Lies
Wednesday, January 9, 2013 • Posted January 11, 2013

Understandably, there’s a lot of hoopla about the new ‘Assault Weapons Ban,’ which was introduced in congress as soon as it met last week by Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-Pluto). This bill is being pushed as a result of the horrible school shooting in Connecticut just before Christmas.

Never mind that the weapons to be banned by the Assault Weapons Ban are not, any of them, ‘assault weapons.’ Never mind that the 1994 ban made no difference on crime, as there were 562 people per 100,000 killed annually using guns during the ban, and only 443 per 100,000 killed with guns annually since it expired. Never mind that only about 350 people per year are killed using rifles, and that the weapons targeted by the ban account for a small fraction of that number. Never mind that far more people, according to the FBI, are killed with hammers and clubs each year than with rifles. And never mind that the guns in the proposed federal ban were already banned in Connecticut before the shooting.

In other words, never mind that the bill now before congress, along with all the other gun-related bills, will not make any difference to the U.S. crime rate whatsoever. The bill will probably pass, and we will lose more freedom, because the space cadets we’ve elected to represent us have no idea how to address the problems facing America, and would rather appear to do something than admit they are clueless. And make no mistake – many of our elected representatives are clueless.

But they don’t have a corner on that market, not by a long shot. The mainstream sleazia has, during the past few weeks, made it abundantly clear that it, collectively, has no idea what it’s talking about. The talking heads have trouble pronouncing the name of any gun manufacturing company more complicated than ‘Colt.’ They have no concept of the difference between ‘automatic’ and ‘semiautomatic,’ and seem not to comprehend that there even is a difference between the two, or that it could matter. They use the terms ‘clip’ and ‘magazine’ interchangeably, as if they were the same thing. They say ‘bullet’ when they mean ‘cartridge.’ They continually use the verb ‘assault’ as a noun. It seems inconceivable that any of these people are familiar with the English language, much less have frequent contact with humans. They have depicted themselves as obtuse dolts. Even so, they’re winning.

But let’s not spend too much time bashing the media, especially since we don’t expect them to know anything about guns. That would be asking too much. Instead, let’s bash a group that should know something about guns, a group that claims to be experts on guns, a group, indeed, that gets paid to know about guns, to carry guns, and to protect the rest of us with guns.

The Los Angeles Police Department, when it isn’t surfing or styling its hair, periodically holds gun buy-back events. The idea, ostensibly, is to get some guns off the streets, so they won’t be out there shooting and maiming and killing innocent people, as if guns were alive. This is very much like drawing a bucket of water from the Pacific Ocean twice a year, to prevent drownings, but we’re not talking about Mensa, here, after all.

Now, these gun buy-backs don’t do anything, not one thing, to affect the crime rate, anywhere, ever. The police know this. The municipal authorities that sponsor them know this. The citizens know this. Above all, the criminals know this. The only people delusional enough to think any difference is made are people like Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-Saturn), who have concealed carry permits and are accompanied by several armed guards everywhere they go. People so out of touch with reality they think ‘no kidding’ is a form of birth control.

At a recent gun buy-back event held by the LAPD, besides a lot of worthless guns that would not have been a threat to anyone unless thrown like a rock, someone turned in two AT4 rocket launchers. Yes. Rocket launchers.

Well, that was the story. The local cops, the mayor, and the media made a big deal of these launchers, patting one another on the back, talking about how many lives they’d saved.

And then Paul Szoldra, writing for Business Insider, pointed out an Inconvenient Truth – the rocket launchers weren’t really, technically, real. They were trainers. Fake launchers used for, you know, training. They were never capable of firing rockets. And Szoldra should know, since he shot rocket launchers as a Marine infantryman.

Even if they’d been real, AT4 rocket launchers are never reloaded. They come with one round, and once used to fire that one shot, they’re trash. The ones the LAPD got were empty, so would not have been a threat even if they weren’t trainers.

Remember this – those who are pushing gun control are not making any effort at all to save anyone. Their only desire is to further their own agenda of power and control over the rest of us. They don’t, after all, intend to be subject to the laws they pass, anyway, Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-Neptune) included.

There’s a reason mass shootings happen in gun-free zones – that’s where the unarmed, vulnerable targets are. No one ever shoots a bunch of people at a gun range, gun store, or police station. It ruins their day when people shoot back.

If gun-free zones were as safe as is claimed by liars such as Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-Uranus), our president would disarm the Secret Service agents at the White House, Camp David, and all the many golf courses he spends so much time at. He’d be safer without all those men and women standing around him with guns.

That won’t happen, because despite what our august leaders say, they know the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun . . .

Kendal Hemphill is an outdoor humor columnist and public speaker who lost all his guns in a recent flood. Or something. Write to him at PO Box 1600, Mason, Tx 76856 or

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