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Around the Square
Wednesday, December 11, 2013 • Posted December 11, 2013

“Rural life is lived mostly in the country.”

Yep.

That’s a direct quote from Anguished English.

Edited by Richard Lederer (a stoic high school English teacher).

What a book of gems.

Culled from student papers written over the past few decades.

Such as this one:

“The human is more intelligent than the beast because the human brain has more convulsions.”

In-te-res-ting.

It’s not every day a book gives us a good laugh.

We’re forever grateful.

No one could make this stuff up.

“To be a good nurse, you must be absolutely sterile.”

Excuse us a minute while we wipe our eyes.

O! To laugh so hard one cries.

That right there’s worth a million bucks.

Here’s an all-time favorite of Lederer’s:

“In 1957, Eugene O’Neill won the Pullet Surprise.”

Surprise!

Here ya go, O’Neill.

Your very own pullet pot pie.

That’s a prizewinner alright.

And by the way, thanks for writing that play.

We could go on and on.

Quoting from this treasure-trove.

Relishing these tidbits that twist the mind.

Especially something like:

“The difference between a king and a president is that a king is the son of his father, but a president isn’t.”

And to think these are written as absolute truths.

“The President of the United States, in having foreign affairs, has to have the consent of the Senate.”

Actually, that might be truer than we know.

And scientifically speaking:

“To collect sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.”

Now there’s a test to behold.

And here’s an amazing fact:

“Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow and not the bull.”

Hmmm.

Did-not-know-that.

And when asked who built the pyramids:

“A million slaves.”

Not the expected answer…but happens to be true.

Another fact:

“When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.”

Keep this up and we might die laughing.

Which ain’t a bad way to go.

And if ya gotta go, Mason Funeral Home can handle everything.

And so can Leatherwood Memorial Chapel just east of town.

That’s Mason.

Renee Walker is a poet, author, and real estate broker on the square with her canine assistant, Buster.

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