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Mostly Memories
Tuesday, February 17, 2009 • Posted February 17, 2009

A Woman's View of Romance and Sex

Why can’t I write something clever like some of these professional writers do — those fellows who make a living as columnists? They are always coming up with episodes taken from everyday life that are interesting and entertaining, nearly all that I seem to come up with are events that have been recorded in my memory. However I will have to admit that writing from memory is not at all bad, and though it has kept me going for many years ( without any monetary compensation or even a thank you) I still yearn to plow a furrow or two in other fields.

Now Shagnasty might say “Bode, what is it that has once again put you in this mood of being envious of the big time writers? Why can’t you be satisfied with being just a country boy without much learning — cause that’s what you are, you know. Why can’t you resist that yearning to travel in the big league with fellows who have had schooling in this field of journalism that you so wish to sink your plow into? Why not just be happy with the fact that even without the benefit of a modern day tractor (I refer here to an education) you have produced some pretty good crops by working this field all these years with only an old timey Georgia Stock hand held plow pulled by one ornery old mule (your memory) that plows only one row at a time.”

Well, ole Shag may be right but dang it all I still wish I had one of those rigs that would allow me to simultaneously cultivate a half dozen or more furrows come planting time.

Shagnasty also might ask “Just what got you into this pensive and covetous mood?”, and I would have to answer that it was a column by a columnist in the Dallas Morning News in which he bemoans the fact that women see a vast difference between romance and sex that is not recognized by most men.

An example here might be how quickly the amorous feeling a man has when hugging and fondling his mate is cooled off when she asks “What do you think you are doing?” And when he answers “I’m being romantic” she responds with “That isn’t romance that’s sex.”

Women, for instance, are invariably wanting something out of special days like Valentine, birthdays, and anniversaries as well as those moments of hugging, kissing and fondling that men can’t quite figure out. They are inclined to feel that a sense of romance should be attached to each of these occasions and they like to hear sweet little compliments accompanied by the words “I love you” which most men find so hard to say. These are situations that few men understand and are likely to mess things up as did Gomer of the Andy Griffin show when he complimented his lady love by saying “You don’t sweat much for a fat girl.”

The columnist then says the fact that men show their love by building, fixing or cleaning something for the little lady and then expect to be amorously rewarded is a sure indication that they do not perceive the real difference between romance and sex. He then hits the nail on the head by saying “All we need is for someone to tell us how to be romantic. Then we will do it.”

As I see it these “female people” as the writer calls them fail to understand that to many men the emotion of romance in a marriage has grown into that comforting feeling of contentment which comes with having his loved one(s) near him. It perhaps never occurs to men who have reached this stage of wedded bliss that an occasional evening with dim lights, flickering candles, soft music and a bottle of good wine could thrill their wives and bring a feeling of romance into their lives.

While this might work with women of a younger age group I would imagine such actions by one of the older generations would tend to make his mate think that the poor fellow had gone off of his cotton picking rocker.

Now I feel sure that with the wide coverage of the DMN, this columnist’s invitation to women to “call and tell me a few things that zing your heartstrings” will receive enough response from his special “romance hot line” to keep his column on this subject going for weeks to come.



Well sir, the verdict is in — the women have spoken and in so doing have tried to convince the columnist that “romance isn’t an action, it’s an attitude.” They told him that “the smallest gesture that springs from genuine emotion, women never forget” and he offered the following story as evidence that a small gesture can mean so much:——

A woman whose husband John has been dead for 16 years, said “I think the most romantic thing my husband ever did was that at some point in every day, he would call me from work for no other reason than just to hear my voice, now every time the phone rings I think, ‘I wish it could be John’.”



All of this romantic stuff carries me back to a Valentine’s day in the year 1939 when my daughter was just a baby. The question for me on this day was “what will I give my wife for a Valentine’s day gift?”

The answer came when I remembered how much she loved cheese — so I went to the grocery — bought a pound or so of cheese cut from a big round block (we called it rat cheese)— carved the piece of cheese into the shape of a heart — made an arrow and stuck it longways through the heart — then cut the message “You are my Valentine” on the face of the heart and colored it red.

What happened? — Hell’sfire —she loved it and never forgot it . Could this be proof that there is more in the gesture than in the gift ?

Now......... was I being romantic or was I being sexy?

And..........should you ask: Did she eat the cheese?

The Irish in me would answer.....that she did...that she did.

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