Mason County News
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MOSTLY MEMORIES
Wednesday, April 8, 2009 • Posted April 8, 2009

Give me a lazy man

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Yes sir, it’s the truth. I’d hire a lazy man any day over the fellow who will work his fanny off doing every task you give him without ever considering that there might be an easier way of accomplishing those tasks. To answer the question of “why?” I would say, “It is really quite simple. Who do you think it was that dreamed up all of the time saving inventions of this world? It was the lazy man, of course.”

Shucks, I’d betcha two-bits to a donut that if you’d put one of those lazy fellers to work doing a task you have done for years, and hated, he would come up with a way to do it easier and quicker.

Some years ago I wrote an article about the TV remote control referred to by some as an “Instrument of the Devil”. Who do you think invented it? A lazy man of course. A man who got tired of getting up out of his easy chair to change channels on his TV set.

Who do you think invented the cattle guard? It was no doubt a lazy rancher or one of his helpers who always had to get out of the car to open the gates (however, it could have been the ranchers wife who got the idea). If memory serves me correctly the first invention to keep the rancher from getting out to open the gate was the “bumper gate”.

This contraption was a double gate affair with springs attached which permitted the driver to bump the gate open far enough to allow him to drive through and then the springs would pull the gate back into a closing position. This bumping device served the rancher until the time came when he became tired of repairing the gate after his wife had demolished it by bumping into it at an excessive speed.

Now I don’t know this to be true but I am supposing that this lazy rancher got to pondering over a way that would preclude his getting out of the car to open a gate and at the same time be indestructible to womankind. Then, into his pondering came the idea of the present day cattle-guard which stock would not cross and women could not destroy.

Now then let’s just mess around till we come to the man who invented the lawn mower. The push type. It was a wonderful invention until that old lazy cowboy who had ridden the range for years on a horse got married to a city girl and moved into town. Now he had a lawn to mow so he bought him a push type lawn mower.

After pushing that lawn mower for years that cowboy decided there must be an easier way. Why couldn’t he design one that he could ride just as he rode his horse? He got his friend who was a mechanic (now I’m still just supposing) to build an apparatus with an engine on it that would motivate the lawn mower so that it could be ridden like a horse.

On this device he mounted a seat instead of a saddle, a steering wheel to guide the vehicle instead of bridle reins. A place to put your feet instead of stirrups, and brakes to stop the machine instead of pulling up on the reins and hollering “whoa”.

Now that old cowboy is fixed up. He could ride that “sucker” just as he rode the range and instead of feeding “old paint” oats and hay and keeping him in the “cow lot” he parks his power mower in a storage room and feeds it gasoline.

Now, I am sure it was a lazy man who tired of helping his wife wash and dry dishes that invented the dish washer; he tired of swatting flies so he invented fly paper, then later on developed fly spray; he tired of fanning himself with the old time fan so he invented the electric fan and later designed the refrigerated air conditioner.

Thomas Alva Edison must have been a terribly lazy fellow because he invented so many time saving devices. For instance he must have hated to light the old time kerosene lamp and clean it’s wick and chimney so he invented the electric light bulb.

It was perhaps a lazy man who discovered that two of the most important things to have around a house, be it in town or in the country, was a supply of bailing wire stashed away in the storeroom or barn and a bottle of Campho-Phenique in the medicine cabinet.

Blessings upon this lazy fellow for showing us that practically every rig on the place could be repaired or held together with a piece of the wire originally intended for bailing hay. He found that with a little piece of this wire he could eliminate calling for a service repairman or driving into town for repair parts by doing all the work himself.

It was probably this same fellow who made Campho-Phenique a requirement for every home by advocating that “If Campho-Phenique doesn’t cure your problem you had better see a doctor.”

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Note:

I’ll tell you fellers right now that you had better get down on your knees and thank the Lord for those lazy men who have made your work so much easier (and it wouldn’t hurt you women to throw in a thank you or two).

Footnote:

T. P. Wood, one of the older members of our Brady Coffee Club and who was often called “Wig Wam” by his friends, was telling us that small companies rarely answered complaints but that the larger companies were quick to take action. He said that once he ordered a bicycle from a large mail order house and sent his check to cover payment. Months after receiving the bicycle he noted that the cancelled check in payment thereof had not shown up in his bank statement. Finally wrote to the company explaining that the check he had sent them in payment of the bicycle had not cleared the bank.

Just as T. P. had said....this large company was quick take action and clear up any error they might have made. So what do you think happened?.........They sent him another ‘bicycle!!

The laughter was so loud we forgot to ask him what he did with the second bicycle.

bodenhamer@cebridge.net

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