Mason County News
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Wednesday, April 29, 2009 • Posted April 29, 2009

Lions and tigers and bears.

Oh my.

Lions and tigers and bears.

Oh my, say goodbye.

We aren’t in Kansas anymore, Dorothy.

Or Mason.

Time to wake up to a new world.

Welcome to Oz.

One World.

One Order.

By Ordinance, by golly.

No lions, tigers, or bears for us.

No sir.

We hereby, by formal decree, do decree that common sense is nonsense.

We hereby order all citizens to perform the impossible whenever possible.

Which brings us to the Cat.

License it or lose it.

Now stop laughing.

We’re serious here.

Herd your cat or go to jail.

Well, doesn’t that beat all.

I surrender.

I’m all yours, Officer.

Take me away.

Because there is NO way I can accommodate you.

And that’s because my cat, Tux, will not accommodate me.

You see, that’s the thing about a cat.

It runs.

It hides.

It leaps tall buildings in a single bound.

And climbs tall trees.

Which will cost far more than $3 to retrieve said cat.

Not to mention the trauma to the animal.

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

That is, bureaucrat to Cat.

I’ll be happy to give the City of Mason three bucks to license Tux.

Especially if it goes to a good cause.

Like rounding up feral cats and getting them neutered and spayed.

And requiring everyone else who has a cat to get it fixed too.

But rounding up my neutered outside cat to put a license around his neck is not going to happen.

And putting him on a leash would be harder than digging a hole with a wet noodle.

In his salad days, I caught him and whisked him off to Dr. Dave who obligingly turned Tux into a eunuch.

He’s been stand-offish ever since.

Can’t imagine why.

But go ahead.

Attempt to control the uncontrollable.

Throw the cat out with the cat litter.

Now, as for my hippopotamus…

That’s Mason.

Renee Walker is an author, poet, and real estate broker on the square.

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