Mason County News
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Recycled Bad News
Wednesday, September 16, 2009 • Posted September 16, 2009

Well, there’s good news and there’s bad news. The good news is that your senators, John Cornyn and Kay Bailey Hutchison, voted against Cass Sunstein’s appointment to head the Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs as the ‘Regulatory Czar.’ The bad news is that there weren’t enough other senators smart enough to come in out of the rain, and Sunstein got in anyway.

Sunstein was appointed by president BO and had to be confirmed by the Senate. The job requires Sunstein to liaise between the White House and other agencies, such as the BATF, FBI, Dept. of the Interior, and Sesame Street, on regulatory issues. Which means he will have a lot of say about laws and such. Which is not good. Not good at all.

The problem isn’t so much that Sunstein is liberal, or that he’s wrong, or that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, although all that is true. The problem is that he’s insane. Not just a little bit insane, but a great big honking whole bunch insane. And I say that with the utmost respect.

Sunstein is wrong because he thinks, and actually advocates, that hunting should be banned. All hunting. That should be enough right there to tell you the guy doesn’t have any business running a flea market, much less the Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs. But that’s not all.

He doesn’t know what he’s talking about because he believes the Supreme Court has misinterpreted the Constitution in places, especially the Bill of Rights, and specifically the Second Amendment. He says 2A doesn’t support the concept that individuals have a right to keep and bear arms. He thinks it only applies to state militias, even though the entire Bill of Rights is aimed at individuals. So that should be enough to tell you Sunstein shouldn’t be allowed out in public without adequate supervision.

But the real corker is his views on animal rights. There are lots of intelligent, honest, caring people out there who advocate animal rights. Many of them are misled and misinformed, but they aren’t nuts. Sunstein takes the concept to a whole new level. He believes animals should have the right to sue people. In court. In America. Really.

Lawyer: Now, Mr. Steer, please clarify for the court your relationship with Farmer Jones.

Steer: Moo. (He’s my owner)

Lawyer: And did you authorize the operation which left you in a permanent state of being reproductively disadvantaged?

Steer: Moo. (No)

Lawyer: Your honor, the state would now like to call Bessie the Cow to the stand, to testify against Farmer Jones concerning the charge of sexual harassment.

Farmer Jones: Moo. (Just shoot me)

Now, personally, I don’t mind someone who doesn’t pay their taxes being put in charge of taxes. I figure they may be overly frugal, and we could sure use someone like that in Washington. But we have to draw the line somewhere.

So if you plan to hunt deer or go fishing or have your dog broken, you might want to do it fairly quick. All of that will be outlawed pretty soon, if Sunstein has his way.

But Sunstein’s appointment wasn’t the only strange thing that’s been in the news lately. A friend sent me a link to a web page that said, “Can your underwear help save the planet?” I have no idea why this friend thought of me, but there you go.

It seems a couple of guys, Jeff Denby and Jason Kibbey, in, of course, California, have started an underwear business. But not just any underwear business. This underwear business is special, somehow. I read the whole story, and I’m still not real clear on the whole thing, but I think they make the underwear out of recycled milk jugs, or something. And organic cotton, as opposed to regular cotton, or something. And they don’t ship it in little plastic bags, like most underwear companies do. They save the scrap underwear material and make bags out of that to ship the underwear in. Sort of recycled recycled material, I guess. The company is called PACT.

So this company is very ‘green,’ which means they care very much about the environment. They care so much about the environment they donate ten percent of their net sales to organizations that also care about the environment. These organizations collect money from underwear companies, misguided school children, and bunny huggers, and use it to ‘make a difference.’ By ‘difference’ I mean they buy television ads telling people they care about the environment.

Now, caring costs money, so you can’t expect to pick up a pair of PACT underwear for less than twenty-five or thirty bucks. That may sound a little steep, but you’d be surprised what a 30-second spot on prime time TV costs these days.

But then, with hunting outlawed, the bunny huggers may not have to care quite so much. Besides, you might want to buy your underwear at Wal-Mart and save your money for your lawyer fees, in case you get crossways with your cat . . .

Kendal Hemphill is an outdoor humor columnist and public speaker who would like to thank John Cornyn and Kay Bailey Hutchison for trying. Write to him at PO Box 1600, Mason, Tx 76856 or jeep@verizon.net

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