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Wednesday, December 16, 2009 • Posted December 16, 2009

A lot has been going on in the global warming department lately. You might say the subject is heating up. I wouldn’t say that, because it’s too close to being a pun, which is a literary device used by people who think they’re being funny, but are actually irritating everyone around them. As Dave Barry once said, if someone who used puns ended up in a lifeboat, the others would throw him overboard in a few hours, even if they had plenty of food and water.

Plus, people are way serious about global warming. This is a huge issue, as measured by total amount of money spent on it since it was invented almost 30 years ago, right after scientists realized their ‘global cooling’ theory was not going to be adequate to cause people to turn loose of the really big bucks.

Anyway, in case you’ve been too busy planting trees in Guatemala to reduce your ‘carbon footprint’ to watch the news lately, a bunch of scientists were recently caught lying about how soon we will all die of heat prostration. And these were not just any scientists. These were the scientists at the Climactic Research Unit, which is located at the University of East Anglia, which is located in, of all places, East Anglia.

This is significant because these scientists are regarded, by just about everyone who is in any way involved in the promotion of the global warming scare, as the ‘world’s leading climate scientists.’ I don’t know if this is determined by how much money these guys have bilked, or because they have claimed earth is getting hotter than others have claimed, or what, but these guys are at the very tip of the global warming spear. Even higher than Algore, if you can imagine.

So, here a while back, someone important wanted to see some of the data the CRU has been collecting for years to corroborate the global warming thing, and they couldn’t find any of their data. This is the data that has been used, for the past decade at least, to prove global warming exists, and they lost it. I sent them a note to look in their glove compartment, but I haven’t heard back.

This has got to be embarrassing. These guys are supposed to be pretty smart, after all, and that data was their justification for all the money and time and effort they’ve put in on this thing for a long time, and they can’t find it. But then, before they even had time to come up with a good excuse for losing the climate data, disaster struck again.

Some computer hackers broke into the CRU electronic database and got hold of a bunch of their emails, mainly emails to one another. I haven’t seen the emails, but they evidently indicate that the ‘world’s leading climate scientists’ have been acting like a bunch of junior high kids, bickering and fighting and calling each other names. The emails also, I understand, indicate that the ‘world’s leading climate scientists’ have been doing what I do, namely making up their facts as they go along. Plus trying to discredit scientists who don’t agree with them.

This is all bad news for the global warming people, but it’s not as bad as the news about the Copenhagen climate change summit meeting. This meeting, which is going on now in Denmark, is currently creating more air pollution than you can shake a scientist at. If you look up ‘defeating the purpose’ in the dictionary, you’ll find a picture of the Copenhagen climate change summit.

About 20,000 delegates and journalists have converged on Copenhagen from all over the world, including our president BO. Some of them traveled by commercial air, but many brought their own planes. About 140 more private planes than the local airport can handle were flown in, so those planes had to be flown somewhere else, some all the way to Sweden, to park, and then fly back to pick up their VIPs.

Then there are the limousines. Hundreds of extra limos have been driven in to fill the demand for over 1,200 total. The largest limo rental company in Copenhagen usually rents no more than 12 per day. During the summit it is renting 200 per day. And the extra cars have been driven in from Germany and Sweden, because there aren’t enough in Denmark.

And of all the cars brought in, and all the ones that are there already, a total of about five (5) of them are electric or hybrids.

You would have to plant enough trees to fill the entire country of Chili to offset the carbon emissions being emitted just by the people attending this one meeting to reduce carbon emissions. And even if you buy into the global warming thing, some of these people are unquestionably superfluous, such as Leonardo DeCappuccino, Daryl Hannah, and Prince Charles. Me, I’m tied up and can’t go.

As Norman Maclean said in his book, ‘Young Men and Fire,’ "A mystery of the universe is how it has managed to survive with so much volunteer help."

Kendal Hemphill is an outdoor humor columnist and public speaker who reduces carbon emissions by shooting animals. Write to him at PO Box 1600, Mason, Tx 76856 or

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