Two Horse Stories, A Pony Tail & A Mule
HORSE STORY # 1 (Author unknown).
In the days of the old west the stealing of a horse was considered to be a hanging offense. However, the following story will show that this is not altogether true — it all depends upon the horse thief: In this small western town a man was being tried for stealing a horse. It so happened that the "hoss thief" was well liked among the towns people while the owner of the stolen horse was disliked by everyone who knew him.
After all of the evidence had been presented the jury retired to consider a verdict. After an hour the jury reappeared and presented the following verdict: "We find the defendant not guilty if he will give back the horse."
The judge admonished the jury and told them he could not accept such a verdict. "Go back and bring me another verdict — I don’t care how much you like the defendant and dislike the owner of the horse — bring me a verdict I can accept." The jury then retired into the jury room.
Fifteen minutes later they reappeared and the judge asked if they had reached a verdict. "We have, your honor" answered the foreman of the jury. "How do you find?" asked the judge.
" We find the defendant not guilty and he can keep the damned horse." said the jury foreman.
HORSE STORY # 2 is told by Ben Hodges who I once referred to as a retiree from Salt Gap. He tells me that he lived close enough to Salt Gap and Pear Valley to perhaps lay claim to voting rights in either of these townships. Here is his story which, by the way, is one of the favorites of the Precious Memory Coffee Club:
One of Ben’s friends who owns the Box ranch between Brady and Mason had a pet paint horse whose primary interest in life was in frolicking with the mares for the purpose of propagating heirs in his own image. In an effort to prevent such efforts in the future Ben suggested that they deprive that young horse of his manhood. Mr. Box agreed providing Ben would assist in the operation — which he did — and they did.
Months later Ben, while again visiting the Box ranch, got out of his pick-up to open a gate. The paint horse, now an "it", was standing by the gate eyeing a bunch of mares in the next pasture. As Ben attempted to open the gate the paint horse, who seemingly remembered Ben as a participant in the operation which deprived him of past pleasures, started pawing him. Thereupon Ben picked up a large stick which was laying on the ground, whacked the horse on the head and drove him away from the gate
On his return home Ben noticed the horse was still at the same gate eyeing those mares in the next pasture and he also noticed that the stick he had used on the horse was still lying beside the gate. As Ben got out to open the gate he thought that he would use that stick again if the horse gave him any further trouble.
As Ben approached the gate the horse, remembering their previous encounter, walked over to the stick and picked it up in his mouth. He then ran down the fence line about 20 yards, dropped the stick on the ground, then turned to look at Ben as if to say "now let’s see you hit me, darn you."
Ben was also telling the coffee club that Salt Gap, long noted for the lack of rain, now has a highway sign which reads "Watch out for high water."
At that point a noted member of the club asked Ben how come he had never told the club members about the tornado at Salt Gap that caused $200,000 in improvements (by digging three large tanks)?
THE PONY TAIL:
Some time ago and much to my disgust I learned that a friend of mine was going to grow a "pony tail". Not being able to understand why a man of his age and presumed intelligence would do such a thing I asked his wife to illuminate me.
"Bill, he was forced to do so" she explained. "How is that?" I asked. "It is quite simple", she answered "he was double-dog-dared."
Now I could understand. Back in the old days while an "I dare you" was an invitation to show your courage, a "double-dog-dare" was a dare that a man of honor had to accept whether he wished to or not. While I cannot concur with the current fashion of a "pony tail" for a man his age I will embrace his courageous attempt to defend a "double-dog-dare" when the honor of his forefathers is at stake. Therefore I said unto this near neighbor of mine: "Forgive me please, for the derogatory thoughts I held for you before learning the reason for your action."
(This is a story about a mule that has been floating around on the internet for quite some time and I thought I would pitch it in with my two horse stories just for good measure):
Curtis &Leroy saw an ad in the Putnam County News Newspaper in Eatonton, GA.. and bought a mule for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."
Curtis &Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."
The farmer said, "Can’t do that. I went and spent it already."
They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."
The farmer asked, "What in the world ya’ll gonna do with a dead mule?"
Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can’t raffle off a dead mule!"
Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don’t hafta tell nobody he’s dead!"
A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis &Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.
"What’d you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"
They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."
Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898."
The farmer said,"My Lord, didn’t anyone complain?"
Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got kinda upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."