The other day a friend sent me an email containing a video of a commercial for Tracker boats, or Ranger boats, or some other kind of fishing boats. This commercial has been going around lately, and I’m sure I’ll get plenty of emails letting me know what kind of boat was in it, because lots of people have probably seen it. It’s a great commercial. I don’t think it ever aired on television, but it may sell a lot of boats anyway.
The scene opens with a very nice, brand new bass boat sitting on a beautiful, serene lake. There’s a handsome guy, probably in his early twenties, standing on the front of the boat, wearing blue jeans and a T-shirt, quietly fishing. Sitting on the back seat of the boat is a beautiful woman, about the same age, wearing very nice clothes, talking on her cell phone.
But this woman is not just talking. She’s one of those that, if she drove the way she talked, would be the Mario Andretti of the women’s racing world. She’s having a, fairly one-sided, conversation with her friend, and you have to watch the video a few times before you can even understand what all she’s saying, she’s talking so fast.
After you figure it out, you realize she’s telling her friend how unhappy she is about being out on this beautiful lake, in this beautiful boat, with her boyfriend fishing. She says when he told her they were going fishing she thought he meant on her daddy’s yacht, and she’s bored to death, and he almost made her touch an icky fish, and when they get off the lake he’s going to have to decide between her and the boat.
The guy is listening to all this, and not saying anything, and looking like he’s about fed up with it. He’s looking down at the foot pedal that controls the trolling motor speed, and another pedal beside it. He puts his foot on the other pedal, then takes it off, listens some more, and finally puts his foot back on the pedal and pushes it.
The seat with the woman in it ejects. It rockets into the air like, I don’t know, a rocket or something, with the woman screaming, and flies about a hundred yards up and over the lake. The guy follows its progress, a slight grin on his face, and watches it splash down a hundred yards away. Then he goes back to fishing.
This is possibly the best commercial I’ve ever seen. You’d have to be an idiot to think Tracker or Ranger or anyone is making boats with ejection seats in them, but the idea is fantastic, especially for guys who have tried to fish with a whiny person in the boat. And if any of you women are thinking about writing me a nasty letter about this column, bear in mind that such thoughts validate its validity.
I can say that, and I can write this column, because my wife would never be that whiny girlfriend. She likes to fish even more than I do. She’d rather fish than just about anything else, and when it’s time to quit and go in, she always holds things up, because she just has to get in one more cast. Or ten.
On our recent trip to Rockport, for instance, we stayed at Kontiki Beach Resort, which is a really plush place with one and two bedroom condos. It also has some private fishing piers, which are lighted at night. We stayed three nights, and while I spent most of my evenings lounging in the room watching TV, Jocelynn spent her evenings out on those piers, fishing.
I would go out there periodically, track her down, and ask if she was ready to come in yet. She would say, "Yeah, in just a minute. I’m getting some good bites." And she would keep fishing. Every time she’d start to leave she’d get another bite, and have to stay a little longer.
We had planned to go kayak fishing from Captain Tommy Moore’s birding boat, the Skimmer, but unfortunately it was having engine trouble when we were there. Instead, Captain Tommy took us to Cove Harbor and put us in a couple of sit-on-top kayaks, and we fished near there.
I’ve written before about the wind around Rockport, and how it blows pretty good down there quite often, but that day it was pretty calm. We had a great time, even though we didn’t catch a lot of fish, and the time passed far too quickly, as usual.
When it was time to start back, I told Jocelynn to wrap it up. A few minutes later I told her again. A few minutes later I told her again. The next time I mentioned that we needed to leave, I thought I saw her tapping her foot in her kayak.
I wonder if she’s seen that boat commercial . . .
Kendal Hemphill is an outdoor humor columnist who enjoys catching fish almost as much as his wife enjoys fishing. Write to him at PO Box 1600, Mason, Tx 76856 or firstname.lastname@example.org