Mason County News
Weather Fair 81.0°F (47%)
Wednesday, June 9, 2010 • Posted June 9, 2010

Give Me A Lazy Man

Yes sir, it’s the truth. I’d hire a lazy man any day over the fellow who will work his fanny off doing every task you give him without ever considering that there might be an easier way of accomplishing those tasks.

To answer the question of "why?" I would say, "It is really quite simple. Who do you think it was that dreamed up all of the time saving inventions of this world? It was the lazy man, of course."

I recently wrote an article about the TV remote control referred to by some as an "Instrument of the Devil". Who do you think invented it? A lazy man of course. A man who got tired of getting up out of his easy chair to change channels on his TV set.

Who do you think invented the cattle guard? It was no doubt a lazy rancher or one of his helpers who always had to get out of the car to open the gates (however, it could have been the rancher's wife who got the idea). If memory serves me correctly the first invention to keep the rancher from getting out to open the gate was the "bumper gate."

This contraption was a double gate affair with springs attached which permitted the driver to bump the gate open far enough to allow him to drive through and then the springs would pull the gate back into a closing position. This bumping device served the rancher until the time came when he became tired of repairing the gate after his wife had demolished it by bumping into it at an excessive speed.

Now I don’t know this to be true but I am supposing that this lazy rancher got to pondering over a way that would preclude his getting out of the car to open a gate and at the same time be indestructible to womankind. Then, into his pondering came the idea of the present day cattle-guard which stock would not cross and women could not destroy.

Now we come to the man who invented the lawn mower. The push type. It was a wonderful invention until that old lazy cowboy who had ridden the range for years on a horse got married to a city girl and moved into town. Now he had a lawn to mow so he bought him a push type lawn mower.

After pushing that lawn mower for years that cowboy decided there must be an easier way. Why couldn’t he design one that he could ride just as he rode his horse? He got his friend who was a mechanic (now I’m still just supposing) to build an apparatus with an engine on it that would motivate the lawn mower so that it could be ridden like a horse.On this device he mounted a seat instead of a saddle, a steering wheel to guide the vehicle instead of bridle reins. A place to put your feet instead of stirrups, and brakes to stop the machine instead of pulling up on the reins and hollering "whoa".

Now that old cowboy is fixed up. He could ride that "sucker" just as he rode the range and instead of feeding "old paint" oats and hay and keeping him in the "cow lot" he parks his power mower in a storage room and feeds it gasoline.

Now, I am sure it was a lazy man who tired of helping his wife wash and dry dishes that invented the dish washer; he tired of swatting flies so he invented fly paper, then later on developed fly spray; he tired of fanning himself with the old time fan so he invented the electric fan and later designed the refrigerated air conditioner.

Thomas Alva Edison must have been a terribly lazy fellow because he invented so many time saving devices. For instance he must have hated to light the old time kerosene lamp and clean its wick and chimney so he invented the electric light bulb.

It was perhaps a lazy man who discovered that two of the most important things to have around a house, be it in town or in the country, was a supply of baling wire stashed away in the storeroom or barn and a bottle of Campho-Phenique in the medicine cabinet. Blessings upon this lazy fellow for showing us that practically every rig on the place could be repaired or held together with a piece of the wire originally intended for baling hay. He found that with a little piece of this wire he could eliminate calling for a service repairman or driving into town for repair parts by doing all the work himself. It was probably this same fellow who made Campho-Phenique a requirement for every home by advocating that "If Campho-Phenique doesn’t cure your problem you had better see a doctor."



I’ll tell you fellers right now that you had better get down on your knees and thank the Lord for those lazy men who have made your work so much easier (and it wouldn’t hurt you women to throw in a thank you or two).


To add a little dressing to the above story here is some humor from the old Jewish Catskill comics of Vaudeville days and you will note that there is not a single swear word in their comedy:

1. I’ve been in love with the same woman or 40 years. If my wife ever finds out she will kill me

2.What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she’s making love?

"Honey, I’m home".

3.Someone stole my credit card, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

4.She was at the beauty shop for two hours.That was only for the estimate.

She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

5.The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

6.The doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back".

Mrs. Cohen answered,"So did my arthritis."

7. A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says,"You’ve been brought here for drinking."

The drunk says, "Okay, let’s get started".

8. I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother- in-law to the airport.

This article has been read 86 times.
Readers are solely responsible for the content of the comments they post here. Comments do not necessarily reflect the opinion or approval of Mason County News. Comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.
Comments powered by Disqus