Mason County News
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THE IDLE AMERICAN
Wednesday, July 28, 2010 • Posted July 28, 2010

Doctors Have a ‘Word’ to Say…

Most hunters are so gung-ho, they’ll hunt anything that’ll run from ‘em.

Similarly, TV news folks salivate at the prospect of all-out chases to pluck credible opinions on controversial topics.

That was the case recently when a neurosurgeon was questioned by a Dallas TV reporter. The query concerned the ongoing debate about whether a helmet law should be enacted for motorcyclists. His answer was, uh, a no-brainer….

* * * * *

Explaining that many serious injuries incurred by riders without helmets would otherwise be minor, Dr. Jeremy Denning mentioned that some physicians have coined a word that reveals their opinions. The "word" fittingly describes the bikes whose riders are "helmet-less."

"They call them ‘donorcycles’," Dr. Denning said.

End of interview….

* * * * *

Meanwhile, operators of four-wheeled vehicles often give law enforcement personnel reasons to coin names for certain drivers—names that are unfit to appear in a family newspaper.

James Davis, who was playing in big bands before they invented instruments that "plug in," has to smile when he remembers a traffic pull-over of several decades ago. Decked out in a tuxedo—common evening apparel for him—he was ready to tickle ivories at a country club gala. However, he was a bit late, and his foot was a bit heavy.

The traffic officer gave his obligatory lecture, then backed off with "just a warning." Noticing Davis’ spiffy tuxedo, the officer barked, "If you weren’t late for your own wedding, I’d throw the book at you…."

* * * * *

Bill Sanders, a federal government retiree, had reason to smile about a similar offense recently.

His wife Carolyn chuckled as her hubby was red-lighted to the roadside. As the officer strode toward the car, she hoped that he would make the usual inquiry, the one to determine if the driver had a good reason to be speeding.

"I’m on my way to a Crime Stoppers’ meeting," Bill answered sheepishly….

* * * * *

The truth, of course, is hard to beat. His speed wasn’t THAT MUCH over the limit, and he was indeed en route to the afore-mentioned meeting. Later, he served as county president of Crime Stoppers.

When Sanders began his career in government service, his assignment was in Austin. It was during the presidency of Lyndon B. Johnson.

One day, the Johnsons were in town, and Lady Byrd was planning a barbecue picnic at the ranch. She decided on a "Yellow Rose of Texas" theme….

* * * * *

Sanders’ supervisor instructed him to get a dozen garbage cans painted for the event.

"The cans are to be painted exactly as Mrs. Johnson instructed," he said. "They are to be ‘yellow rose yellow’—not ‘lemon yellow,’ not ‘mustard yellow’ and not ‘sunrise yellow’," the boss warned.

For emphasis, he repeated the mandate, asking Bill if he fully understood. Bill did….

* * * * *

The ever-resourceful Sanders gave serious thought to the assignment. He feared grave consequences if the painted cans were a hue or two off.

So, his first stop was at the floral shop. He purchased a bouquet of yellow roses before proceeding to the paint shop.

"Paint these cans the same color of these here roses," Sanders said. "Make sure it’s not ‘lemon yellow’, ‘mustard yellow’ or ‘sunrise yellow’." He asked the painters if they understood; they did. They "yellowed up" the cans just right, and Bill "got it right" for almost 40 years in government service….

* * * * *

I’ll end this week’s piece by dredging up the old chauvinistic yarn about a traffic officer who finally prevailed after a lengthy high-speed chase.

The veteran DPS guy thought he’d "heard them all," but this offender offered a new excuse.

"I tried to outrun you for good reason," the driver said. "A week ago, my wife ran off with a trooper, and I figured he was trying to bring her back…."

* * * * *

Dr. Newbury is a speaker and author in the Metroplex. He welcomes inquiries and comments. Email: newbury@speakerdoc.com Phone: 817-447-3872. Website: www.speakerdoc.com

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