"Rural life is lived mostly in the country."
Betcha didn’t know that.
It’s a direct quote from Anguished English.
Edited by Richard Lederer.
He’s a high school English teacher.
And probably one stoic, straight-faced guy.
He’s put together a book full of "facts."
As culled from student papers written over the past few decades.
Scary, but funny.
Such as this one:
"The human is more intelligent than the beast because the human brain has more convulsions."
No one could make this stuff up.
"To be a good nurse, you must be absolutely sterile."
Oh, to laugh so hard one cries.
That right there’s worth a million bucks.
Here’s an all-time favorite of his:
"In 1957, Eugene O’Neill won the Pullet Surprise."
Here ya go, O’Neill.
Your very own chicken.
That’s a prize alright.
And thanks for writing that play.
I could go on…and on.
Quoting from this treasure-trove.
Relishing these tidbits that jar the mind.
Especially when you read something like:
"The difference between a king and a president is that a king is the son of his father, but a president isn’t."
Actually, that might be truer than we know.
As might this be:
"The President of the United States, in having foreign affairs, has to have the consent of the Senate."
Wouldn’t doubt it.
And scientifically speaking:
"To collect sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube."
Now that’s a test.
Possibly a test of faith as well.
And here’s an amazing fact:
"Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow and not the bull."
Does that mean if the bull does it to the farmer…oh, never mind.
"When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."
So be creative or die?
If you read this book, you might just die laughing.
Renee Walker is an author, poet, and real estate broker on the square.